Someone asked me the other day about the folks at 44 Cherry Street, and I realized I hadn’t spoken with any of them in a while, so I gave Lorraine a call. It took a few attempts before she called me back. She is one of those people who hardly ever answers her phone even though she has it with her at all times. I could just picture her hearing her blaring ringtone, glancing at the caller ID, and deciding not to pick up. I left several messages, and finally heard from her.
I asked her how she was doing, and I was surprised at her answer.
“You know, Stephanie,” she said, “I have been very busy. After I got back from my adventures in Mexico and my affair with El Chapo, I had to work hard to get back into Frederick’s good graces. He was understandably pissed at me, and of course the way to his heart is through his stomach, so I baked lots of cookies and brownies for him. You know that I am an excellent cook, right? I graduated from the AB Tech Culinary program. Even then, he was still angry with me, but when I noticed the new Trinity Pharms Hemp Company across from My Father’s Pizza, I got the idea to add pot to my recipes.”
“Did you tell him what you were doing?” I asked, surprised. Frederick was so straight-laced that I thought he would be thrown for a loop if he found himself stoned.
“Heavens no!” announced Lorraine. “He would have balked, but he loved them! He couldn’t get enough sweets into his mouth at one time, and he became very amorous. I felt as if I were still with my sweet Chappie. It made both of us very happy. I decided to let other local people get into the same mindset, so I have been baking Magic Cookies and Brownies to sell at the Black Mountain Tailgate Market. They are big sellers!”
“So let me get this straight,” I went on, “You are selling pot-laced baked goods at the tailgate market behind the Baptist Church. Where did you find an approved kitchen to work from?”
“I don’t need anyone to approve or disapprove of me!’ she spat. “Besides I don’t have time to leave my own kitchen, busy as I am. And of course I keep it spotless!”
“Of course you do,” I answered. “But how do you keep your dog and cat away from the food prep area?”
“Actually I have three cats now as well as my sweet doggie and they can go anywhere they want. They are reincarnated from Egyptian Goddesses, you know.”
“But doesn’t the pet hair get into the food?” I asked horrified.
“Naturally.” she answered proudly. “And I don’t charge extra for it either!”
I felt a little sick so I said good-bye before I could even ask about the rest of the gang. I’ll check back in with them next week.