We watch way too much HGTV. It started with Chip and Joanna Gaines, a photogenic couple who transformed falling-down shacks into their clients’ “Dream Houses.”. If you like shiplap, white kitchens, and a few shabby chic accessories, you have to like Fixer Upper.
After them came a line-up of couples cloned from Chip and Joanna. They also renovate houses and also have a signature aesthetic. Like them, the husband is the contractor who does whatever his designer wife tells him to do, no matter how difficult or expensive. Most of these clones are pleasant enough, but a few have been crossed off our viewing list because they bicker. We squirm when couples pick at each other like Tarek and Christina. They’re divorced! Why wouldn’t they bicker?
One couple we watched in spite of ourselves flipped houses in California. The husband was a handsome guy, but the wife looked like a Las Vegas show girl. Her taste was appalling and we watched just to cringe at the glitter and glitz she added to each house. In one renovation she had her husband drill channels in the marble floors in the bathroom and glue rhinestones into the floor. Their tagline was “Palm Springs is our flipping playground.”
I told Ron that we should start our own home renovation show based here in Black Mountain. He could do the work and I would decorate, and our tagline could be, “This energy vortex is our flipping playground.” Wouldn’t that be great? We need to make a pilot episode around Abby’s house and promote it to the network. We already have they crew to showcase on the show.
I can’t claim designing credit for the house, as Abby has made all the decisions, but as Natty told Rusty when he questioned Abby’s choice of colors, “Well you’ve met the tree. My sister doesn’t fall far…”
Things are moving along fast at the house, and Abby is planning to move in soon. Every time I stop by I see Ron and his crew working feverishly to whip the interior into shape, and it feels a bit like Michelangelo must have felt as chips of marble fell away and David emerged from the hunk of marble.
The kitchen is bright and cheerful with green cabinets, maple countertops, and antique farmhouse sink. Ron hung maple shelves on the walls to display Abby’s favorite pottery. A cute hanging metal light that Abby ordered from a random website arrived from China dented because it was packed with almost no bubble wrap, but Ron pushed out the dents with his bare hands! (Oh, Popeye!)
Abby stained the plywood bedroom floor on hands and knees. The yellow is just a wash so the grain of the wood shows through. The room is already sunny, but now it glows. The light gray walls appear greenish with reflected light. The other bedroom floor will remain pale.
Rusty did a great job tiling the bathroom walls which transformed the room from humdrum to fabulous.
Kudos also to David, Busha/Bryan, Natty, and Jesse for their hard work.
