Lorraine woke up on the morning of February 13 with a smile on her face. She rubbed her eyes and turned over on her side, snuggling down under the down comforter, willing herself to fall back asleep. She was having a delicious dream.

She was dancing slowly with Kanye West. They were in a club in New York, and she was dressed in a slinky black dress.She had already lost a few pounds, so she looked KILLER in that dress. She was swaying a little in her stiletto heels, but Kanye held her close. “If only your butt were bigger,” he moaned in her ear. “You have that flat ass that all you skinny white women have. Pity!  My ex had a gorgeous bubble ass, which really turned me on.”

“Your ex? Do you mean Kim Kardashian? Have you two broken up? Lorraine breathed.

“Poor Kim,” Kanye sighed. ”She has nothing on you. I haven’t told her yet that we are finished, but when I saw you sipping Diet Coke at the end of the bar, I knew I had to get to know you better.” He pulled her against him and started humming along to the strains of the band.

Lorraine looked up at Kanye and he gazed down at her. Love flowed back and forth between them. He leaned in and they began to kiss. Oh! It felt so good after all this time. He was such a good kisser! Her whole body yearned for him.

Lorraine’s ex had been really pitiful in bed, and he couldn’t even kiss worth a damn. It always felt as if he were thinking about something else. In fact, more than once he had gotten up in the middle of whatever he considered love-making, and got himself a glass of water. He needed an expensive drug to make it possible for him to “do it,” and so their bedtime escapades had become more and more infrequent. Kanye, on the other hand, was a smooth kisser. His lips were so soft, and he was even smooching her on her face.

Suddenly the band became uncomfortably loud, and Kanye’s kisses felt a bit too wet.

Lorraine opened her eyes and found Suki up on her pillow, licking and licking her face. The alarm clock was blaring. Farewell, Kanye!

She sat up and threw her legs over the side of her bed and dragged herself up. The memory of dancing with Kanye in the club was still on her mind. In a way, though, Lorraine was relieved. She would feel awful if she was the cause of a break-up between him and Kim. They had that adorable baby, North, and Lorraine wouldn’t want to deprive that baby of her father.

She pulled on some sweat clothes to take Suki out for a walk, but couldn’t resist checking her email before they went out. Suki was spinning around in circles in front of the door and making these high-pitched yips, but Lorraine told her firmly to Be Patient!

Sure enough, there was another message from that awful John-guy with the big pumpkin head. He wrote,

Dear Lorraine,

Happy Valentine’s Day, gorgeous! I hope this message finds you well.

I received your kind note, and understand totally your reluctance to proceed in a relationship with me. I am a large fellow, and you appear so petite. Let me reiterate that I am large all over, if you get my drift, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

I have printed out a copy of your picture from your Match profile, and I have it taped to the wall beside my bed. You really are a lovely creature.

Please give me a chance, my dear! Allow me to call you tomorrow night to wish you a happy day. That is, unless you have a big date tomorrow night, as I am quite sure you probably do. A woman as luscious as you is probably fighting men off with a stick.

Please send me your phone number, and we can arrange a time to talk.



“Well,” thought Lorraine. “Fancy that.”  She was very impatient with men who looked at her picture and rejected her out of hand after a single glance. It was maddening and very insulting, especially since that was a ten-year-old picture which had been photo-shopped. She detested people who judged others on the basis of their appearance alone, and maybe she was being to hard on this John. It would be refreshing to be admired and courted. Perhaps she should give John a chance. After all, it was just a phone call, and she might be missing out on a truly kind and caring individual if she turned up her nose at him.

She wrote back immediately and gave him her cell phone number.

Now she had something to look forward to on Valentine’s Day. She would fix herself and Suki and filet mignon dinner, drink some good red wine, and wait for the phone call.

Things were looking up.