I can’t resist a bargain, so when I was offered a year’s subscription to Vogue for ten dollars, I accepted. Now I receive a fresh copy every month and open it with astonishment. I flip the pages from one hideous, unflattering outfit to the next and turn the magazine around to show the image to Ron. “This is it!” I say. “This is the clothing I can’t live without.” At that moment I judge it to be the worst thing I have ever seen, until I turn more pages and am amazed at the very next design, even worse than the previous one.
It’s a mystery to me who determines what clothing is in fashion and what is dated and passe. Who decides which colors are in for the season? A customer told me recently, “This shade of pink is everywhere this season. It’s all the rage so I’m buying it.”And what about skirt length? One year skirts are long and brushing women’s ankles, and the next year, skirts are barely covering your ass. Shoes have chunky heels one year, but the next those are dated and stiletto heels are in. I’ve even seen designer Birkenstocks for a fortune at Nordstrom’s.
The main thing to consider about clothing, though, is that the clothing should flatter you, and you should definitely look hard in the mirror before you dare leave the house. Looking around Black Mountain on a typical Saturday I spy lots of women who obviously did not look in the mirror. Just because short shorts are in style, does not mean that you should jam your fat ass into a pair. I get embarrassed for these gals. And I am not being too smarmy either. When I was their age, I did the same thing! I lived in New York on the upper East Side and walked up 86th Street in my ridiculous mini skirt with my chubby thighs exposed. The German women who lived there and were outside sweeping their stoops, would look at me and mutter, “Disgustink!”
Who designs these looks that women are supposed to wear? Are they gay men? Straight men? Women? Whoever they are, they seem to hate women. The clothes in Vogue are not only unflattering and absurd, but so very expensive. Stylish women are meant to update their wardrobes every season, and in affluent communities, they do. Thrift stores in places like Scottsdale, Arizona, are crammed with barely worn clothing and often clothes with tags still on them. as upscale women “update” their wardrobes.
And then there is hair. When I was young I used to Dippity Doo my hair until it was crisp. I hated my curls, as all the cool girls had straight hair. The minute I stepped outdoors into the humidity, though, I’d hear my hair crackle as the Dippity Doo failed and my hair curled up again. Now it is cool to dye hair neon colors. I say nothing about this trend though, as I myself have colored my drab grey hair.
At what point in my life did I decide that I didn’t care what was in style. I wear clothes that feel good on me and which make me feel more confident. Comfort is the key. I don’t care that my legs look like a roadmap with blue veins crawling everywhere, I wear skirts that reveal my calves when it is hot outside. I love clothes that are colorful and unusual, and I especially love anything handmade. I’m always cold, so I love sweaters. I have winter sweaters that I layer up, and summer sweaters that I wear on hot days. I have so many sweaters that I periodically go through them and carry piles to the thrift store, and yet I am always knitting something new.
None of this makes sense.