FAKE NEWS!!!

posted in: 44 Cherry Street, Newsletter | 0
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Elrod was awakened in his sour bed by the sweet tones of Dolly Parton singing “i can see the sun of a bright new morning, I can see the sun of a bright new day, I can see the sun of a bright new morning, and I know everything’s gonna be okay.”

Portrait of Elrod by Ellen Phillips

Those words bounced around in his head and he felt reassured. Dolly knew what she was singing about. Times were tricky, but surely everything was gonna be okay. He rolled over in his bed and reached across the discolored comforter to his night table. There were still a few good swallows in the can of Bud he had started the night before, and he finished them off. He lit the butt of a cigarette in the ashtray and took a deep drag, blowing a stream of smoke into the bright new morning air. 

Cherry Burl Bowl

He had been so confused lately and didn’t know what to think about what he heard on the news. First had been the death of Biggie and how so many people couldn’t seem to get his name right. For goodness sake! It was just three letters, y’all! His name was the Notorious BIG, not the Notorious RBG. Then there were all those flowers laid on the steps of the Supreme Court. Biggie was  a rebel and all that, and he liked to break a few laws, but why were people showing respect on the courthouse steps. That business with Tupac was over twenty-five years ago! No telling who started what and whether Tupac was dead or alive. That Biggie had still been alive and kicking all those years after his supposed death came as a shock to Elrod. People should just leave the past in the past. And people who were dead should stay dead, as far as he was concerned.

Very large pine bowl on stand by local artist

Then the whole business with Fake News. Elrod wasn’t sure what was fake and what was real anymore. And even Fox News couldn’t keep its story straight. And what was the big deal with the President not paying taxes? Elrod didn’t pay taxes either. Why should he? Only fools paid taxes. Taxes just went to give away money to such Socialist institutions as Medicare and Welfare. Elrod didn’t believe in giving things away to folks who didn’t work. Sure Elrod worked only once in a blue moon, but he would never take a handout. Never! Those oldsters should get up off their lazy butts and get a job!

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He was happy he had joined the QAnon movement. Those Q’s had the right idea. They knew what was up. JFK Jr., was alive and well and supporting The President in his drive to purge the Deep State of Liberals. You had to wonder about people! Those Liberals were all Commie Child-molesters. And you could take that to the bank!  Only incumbents should be allowed to take things to the bank, though. Those Liberals shouldn’t be allowed to even walk into the bank.

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As he thought about this issue, puffing on his cigarette, the Kiss Country radio station turned to the news. “News Flash!!” the announcer stated breathlessly. “The President and The First Lady have tested positive for Covid. Let us pray for their safety and quick recovery.”

Elrod leapt from the bed and pulled on the blue jeans he had worn the day before and were in a heap on the floor. He dashed from his apartment and ran up the stairs in his bare feet. He pounded on the door of his neighbor Ellie. She was super smart and a loyal Trump Supporter. 

Organic yummy woodwork by Stephen Hovis

“Ellie, Ellie, Wake up!”

She answered the door in her ratty blue bathrobe. “What are you carrying on about, Elrod?”

“Kiss Country just reported that Trump and Melania have the Chinese Virus!” he shouted.

Ellie scratched her head  and replied, “Think about it for a minute Elrod. The election is almost here and the virus isn’t real. That’s fake news if I ever heard it.”

One of Elrod’s Ex-girlfriends

Elrod breathed a sigh of relief and headed downstairs to his apartment. He needed a stiff drink to calm his nerves.