Everyone needs a Bad Ass Club cup. $18

I am scheduled for the first of my cataract removal procedures on Monday, and I am so happy. My eyesight has quickly gone from so-so to blind-as-a-bat. Everything is faded and out of focus, and colors are almost nonexistent. At night I am blinded by the halos around on-coming lights, so I really shouldn’t drive (but I do.) But I have figured out why our eyesight drops off as we age. It’s so we don’t see the unattractive changes that occur in us at the same time. 

Perfect toasting cup with your sweetie.

Case in point: One really unsightly change that happens to women is that we start to grow ugly black beards and mustaches. I go to a waxing salon in Asheville and get my facial hair yanked off, but after a day or two, it grows right back again. I can see the nasty hairs in my magnifying mirror, but if they are on the side of my chin, I can’t get to them. Even though I am sort of embarrassed about my hairs, I had to ask Ron to help me pluck a long ugly hair. Even with his readers on, though, he couldn’t see that hair. I decided if he couldn’t see it, I shouldn’t worry about it! We get more flawed, but our diminishing eyesight prevents us from seeing our wrinkles, blemishes, and sagging skin. I have a gross pimple on my bottom lip (where did that come from??) But I’m sure Ron can’t see it. (UPDATE: Ron noticed my pimple this morning and asked if I got hit in the mouth!)

Always a good idea.

I have quite a few elderly friends at our Quaker Meeting. By elderly, I mean older than I am. These are women who live simply, do not buy anything extravagant, and certainly do not have facials or Heaven Forbid, get “work” done. Quaker women love to wear clothes from Goodwill and if they brag at all, it’s to tell the admirer that they got that article of clothing for nothing. Quakers have a testimony of simplicity. Another trait they share (I say “they” even though I too am a Quaker, but I am a failed Quaker. I fail at simplicity.) is to scrimp on food costs. A very accomplished woman at Meeting told me Sunday that she made a cream cheese pie, but let it sit out so long that it grew a coating of mold. Her guest wouldn’t eat the pie, but she ate the whole thing. I asked if it made her sick, and she told me I was being absurd! Of course not! She told me that she buys mushrooms when they are reduced and have turned black and slimy. “They are delicious.” I’m sorry, but that’s just disgusting.

So happy!

The reason I bring up the women at Meeting, though, is that because they experience fading eyesight and are not vain or have facials, they are subject to having large blackheads sprinkled across their cheeks. I hatehatehate blackheads so much and go crazy if I spot one on my face. My thumbs tingle and I squeeze that sucker. I really wanted to eliminate  those blackheads for them, but stopped myself. It would be really rude to do so. I feel rude even mentioning it, but so be it. Now that I can’t see any more, I do not see complexion flaws, and I regard these Friends with the proper respect and admiration they deserve. I’m a bit concerned that after the cataracts are removed, I’ll be back to my old ways. I am relieved, however, that Ron has already had the surgery and can’t see my beard hairs. Maybe I’ll be all right.

I always have forgotten everyone’s birthday, but no more!