Lorraine had made the decision to take a vacation in Puerto Rico. She told herself that she really couldn’t afford the trip, that she was totally broke and shouldn’t spend the money, and that it was a really bad idea. Yet, she was feeling sad and needed to get away and feel the sun on her face (through SPF 75, of course! She didn’t need any more sun damage.)
Before she could leave, however, she had several very important things to take care of. She called Michelle of Michelle’s Salon and asked for an emergency appointment for a trim and root touch-up. Then she contacted Snow at the nail salon for an emergency pedicure. The she called Ideal Image in Asheville for an emergency hair removal from her private parts. Finally, she ran up the street to Periwinkle for a few new items of clothing for the tropics. She had some summer clothes she hadn’t worn for a while, but they were so faded and dated that she felt positive that new clothes were required for her mental health.
Once these emergency items were checked off her to-do list, she began typing up a long list of instructions for Denise Wilson, who would be baby-sitting Suki. It was kind of breaking Lorraine’s heart to leave Suki behind, because she knew that the dog would miss her terribly and would pine for her and probably not eat. Also, Suki wasn’t getting any younger and Lorraine knew that their days together were numbered. She even thought about canceling the trip as she made up this list, but she hadn’t gotten trip insurance and would have had to forfeit the money she had already paid. She decided that even though Suki already had a large basket filled with toys, she would go over to Bone-a-Fide and buy her a few more toys to take Suki’s mind off how much she was missing Lorraine.
Lorraine packed a large bag to check and a heavy carry-on bag. She was going only for a weekend, but she really didn’t know what she would need. It was impossible to anticipate the events she might be invited to, and she wanted to look her best.The next day she drove out to the Asheville Airport for her flight.
She went through security and out to the gate. How she loved the Asheville airport with its convenient parking, bright interior, and easy access to the two gates. No crowds. No stress. So much better than the madness of Charlotte Airport. She grabbed some coffee at the kiosk and sat down near her gate. As she looked through the steam over the coffee cup, she caught sight of a familiarly-shaped shiny bald head. Salty? Was he stalking her?
She picked up her carry-on and moved over to see what in the world he was doing here! “Hello, Salty,” she said accusingly. “How did you know I was going to Puerto Rico? I hope you aren’t following me!”
“Oh, hi, Lorraine. Puerto Rico? No. I’m going to Charlotte and changing planes for Miami. It’s the annual boat show. I go every year, and every year I get wild and party and miss the show. I plan to do that again this year. I’m going to Miami for the boat show which I will not attend. That’s how I roll.”
All this talk about rolls made Lorraine hungry, so she asked Salty to watch her stuff while she ran back to the kiosk to buy something to nibble on. Who knew how long it would be before she had a decent meal?
When she returned to the gate, Salty was looking straight at her breasts. That pig!
“You have crumbs all down the front of your sweater,” he said.
She brushed herself off, slightly embarrassed. Lorraine continued taking small bites from her chocolate croissant, but this time she remembered to brush away crumbs.
Salty was reading The Week magazine. “What are you reading about,” she asked.
“I’m reading about the Republican primary race. I hope you are not a Republican. These guys have gone off the deep end. And Donald Trump? The front-runner? I’m one of those people who is planning to move to Canada if he is elected. Can you imagine his ho-wife as first lady?”
“Of course I’m not a Republican! What do you take me for?” Lorraine sputtered.
“Not sure. You have chocolate all over your mouth,” Salty added. He reached into his vest pocket to retrieve a handkerchief to wipe Lorraine’s face, and a plastic pill container fell out of his pocket onto the floor. “Oops.”
Lorraine bent down to get the pill container and glanced at the label before she handed it over to Salty. Viagra? She guessed he Was planning a wild time in Miami. She handed the pills to Salty with her lips pursed in disapproval.
“Oh these?” Salty said off-handedly. “These pills are nine years old and I’m not even sure they still work. You never know, though, when I might get lucky.”