Latest Chapter on my struggle with the law

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Just so you know, we are going on vacation next week, so the shop will be closed Monday through Thursday. Revonda will open the shop on Friday through Sunday, so come by then.

Meanwhile I will be stretched out on the beach in Mexico reading through a pile of books and guzzling Margaritas. See you when we get back!!

Someone dear to me recently reminded me that “People don’t enjoy hearing other people complain,” so I apologize in advance for this rant. It’s been a long time, so I’ll give you a quick recap. Back in October I had parked outside the shop in a spot that looked exactly like every other parking spot on Cherry St. because I had some stuff to carry into the store. Around lunchtime Kathy from the deli came running in and yelled, “Your car was just hit, and they are running away.”

I dashed out and ran down Sutton St. waving madly at a church bus that was indeed speeding away. They stopped when they saw me, and I told the two old men in the bus that they had indeed run into my car. They got out and we walked back to my car, which was destroyed on the driver’s side. They didn’t dispute that they had hit my car, one geezer saying, “I thought I might have hit something…”

We called the police and this cop I had never seen before swaggered up to us, and started yelling at me. He accused me of parking in an illegal spot and causing the accident. To prove his point, he gestured towards a barely legible, painted No Parking notation under my car. I started protesting my innocence and he asked me if he needed to call for back-up. His senior officer showed up and took my side, but he still handed me a summons.

In the interim, the town has painted over the old lettering and declared the spot a legal parking place, but still I had to go to Asheville at the crack of dawn this morning to answer the summons.  Without benefit of coffee I went into courtroom 1-A which was already teeming with humanity. I was instructed to sit in a particular row, to turn off my cell phone, and Not to TaIk. I was reminded of what a snob I am when I placed a handkerchief over my nose to block the stink of BO and stale tobacco that hung in the air.

Finally it was my turn to approach the window where a cute young woman asked to see my summons. She studied the paper for a few minutes, than asked me to go to another window and request the full report from another clerk. When she had received that report written by Robocop back in October. She took her time reading the report, and made humphing noises.

When she looked up she said, “Well, be careful where you park…” And that was it.

“That’s it?” I asked. I told her the short history of the parking spot and she shrugged and told me about a gag from Louis CK. He is trying to find a place to park and is confronted with signs that require a lot of studying and calculating. In response to a sign that stipulates no parking between 3AM and Midnight, he says, “Why didn’t they just say, ‘No Parking’?”

I suppose I should be happy that I wasn’t fined or locked-up, but I am angry that I was made to appear in court over nothing. It’s like Robocop is gloating about my inconvenience. I promise I will not go to the police and raise a ruckus. We are going on vacation next week, and I don’t want to raise anyone’s hackles!